I’m sure that there are many of you ladies out there that are in the same boat as me right now. We’ve had child number one – it was shock to our system, but somehow we’re finding our way out of the baby-brain fog and can see clearly again. We’ve finally found peace with sleepless nights and have discovered a way to fit a gazillion things into our diaries…plus we can have a nutritious dinner on the table by 6pm. How on earth did we manage to get to this point? I vaguely remember the first three months of my son’s life. I stumbled through each day with nowhere near enough sleep under my belt with a head full of dry-shampoo and baby vomit on every single piece of clothing I owned. Fast forward to today – my son is now 18 months old. My house is clean, my gardens are maintained, all my clothes are clean and I’ve got control of my life again. So, does this mean I’m ready for No.2?
I’ve spoken to so many mums about this issue. When do you take the plunge to become a mum again? Trying to gain as much wisdom from those who have already been through it, I was bitterly disappointed to learn that not one single person I spoke to about this had a similar opinion.
“Get it over and done with! Rip it off like a band-aid…then later on you can enjoy your life again!”
“Have a few good years between them. Don’t make the children share their mummy just yet.”
“Have them as close together as possible – that way you have a better chance that they’ll be good friends.”
“Enjoy your new freedom as a mum! Don’t ruin it just yet.”
Out of all the woman I’ve spoken to, not one of them told me how hard it was being a mum to two, three or four children. No-one opened up to me about how insane their life was, or how tense their marriage became. They all had different opinions – but they were all saying it with a smile on their face. Was this the common denominator in the answer? A smile? Had they forgotten about the pain of those endless nights of a crying baby followed by an endless day of demands from a toddler? Just like how we forget about the pain of childbirth I would assume.
Somehow I feel more nervous about trying for baby #2 than I did for my first. Maybe I’m more aware of what I’m getting myself into this time.
I was very close to my mum. We ran a business together. We would holiday together. We laughed, we cried…we were soul mates. I don’t mean that in a sexual way. But on a spiritual level, my mum and I were soul mates. When I was 16 weeks pregnant with my son my mum passed away. It’s the greatest loss I’ve had to deal with. My heart is still very heavy and I would expect it always will be. It was a horrendous loss for me and my family.
But this heavy heart, the ache inside my bones is a reminder for me.
Like most people, when my mum passed away all I could think about was ‘I just wish I had more time with her. I wish I could have her back for 20 more years, 20 more days…hell! I wish I could have her back for just one day’. Now, I’d be ecstatic if I could have her back for one hour.
I didn’t become a mother to just play with baby clothes and cute toddler outfits. I became a mother to contribute to this world – to help build a happier, healthier and more peaceful society. I would like to think that one day I will have a relationship as regal as the relationship my mother had with my brothers and I. And if that is the case, then I would want to have as much time as I can with my child (children) in this lifetime.
Yes, I predict I will lose my sanity quite frequently. I will probably lash out at my husband for no apparent reason. I will probably order take-out far too often and I expect I will sometimes regret my decision to have another baby ‘so soon in my sleepless state’.
You know that feeling you get when you walk into the gym and you see your Personal Trainer with an agitated look in their eyes? That sinking feeling in your stomach and the voice in your head that is screaming at you to “TURN AROUND NOW AND SAVE YOURSELF!”, but then half way through your session you realise that you’re actually doing pretty well and you’re stronger than you thought!
That’s how I expect it to be for me to have another baby. I’m so frantic, and so worried that I’ll lose the ‘control’ I’ve worked so hard to get back. But when it all happens I’m sure I’ll look at myself and think ‘wow…you’re actually doing really well and you’re stronger that you thought!’. All of those hard sessions at the gym with our trainers give us so much reward at the end.
What we need to focus on is the end result. If there was some crazy way that I could meet my mum when she was a young woman and convince her to have her first child sooner – I would. Because time with her was so precious. Now I understand the intense love between a mother and child, I don’t want to hold back the years that I could have with my children.
So, when is the perfect time to become a mother for a second time? Some women have surprise pregnancies, and others feel like they’re working against the clock. But if you’re in a similar boat to me and are thinking about planning to have another child, you’re probably wondering when the right time is to go through with it.
Well what I think is this…
As soon as you connect with the bigger picture. As soon as you see that each day, each spaghetti stain, each dirty diaper, each sleepless night is an investment into the future and is building a life to be full of love. I don’t think that I would be on my death-bed one day saying ‘I wish I had my children later in life’. I just don’t see that ever coming from my lips.
So now that I am starting to find peace and clarity on the issue, how do you suppose I get my husband on board? Wish me luck! ♥